On the couch with Tanya Southey
Today I’m excited to bring you some words of wisdom from my first guest interviewee, Tanya Southey (Executive Coach, Author, HR Director & friend to many). Tanya is currently on sabbatical writing her book and found time in her daily musings to share her views on bringing healthy habits, empathy and compassion into our busy lives.
Tanya, how do you refresh yourself in today’s increasingly chaotic and complex environment?
When very busy, working long hours and doing global calls, I found it important to put in small rituals that centred me and gave me a mini-break in the day. Things like, listening to an audio book in the car, where I could escape from my work thoughts and get immersed in something interesting or listening to my favourite music. Using the car time as my own time could be very refreshing and a way to enjoy the commute not letting the traffic stress me out.
Meditation apps when I struggle to fall asleep are also winners, a voice guiding you makes it easy to drown your own thoughts out and fall asleep
Getting exercise, even if it is just ten minutes around the block between meetings often cleared my head
Making sure I get to laugh about something on a daily basis
Being mindful and enjoying small things like a cup of tea
What health habits have you influenced others to embrace?
With my teams I encouraged them to explore what worked for them so that it was something they valued. The important thing for me was getting my team to look at their lives holistically and feeding the many aspects of life that we enjoy, not just work. I firmly believe that if you are feeding your social, spiritual, health, financial, mental, creative (fill in your own blank) side of your life that you bring a more energized, productive and engaged person to work. Health is holistic and if you focus on yourself holistically, I believe you are healthier.
What does self-compassion mean to you? How do you put it into practice?
I am not always the best at this! I often push myself really hard, but I do believe in not dwelling in guilt or internal language that starts with “I should have, I could have…” I think that you must learn from your mistakes, but churning or dwelling in a negative, can become a habit and beating yourself up is not productive. I take a “feel it, then file and get on with it” approach so that I bounce back and don’t torture myself.
How can leaders bring compassion into the workplace? What’s the value in doing this?
As a leader you need to know what is going on with your team’s lives so that you are able to bring compassion and empathy to what they are going through. I don’t mean that you should not have boundaries, but a healthy sharing is important. With my direct reports we used to have a ‘check-in’ at the beginning of our monthly meetings. I found that when people shared if they were stressed and if something was going on, we all supported each other better or made allowances. We only shared what we were comfortable with, but it was often profound. This made us more productive as a team.
Who do you admire and why?
So many people. I do love Louise Hay the author, who is still writing and running a business at 90 years old. She reinvented her life at 49 to start Hay House the publishing firm. I love her positivity and belief that you can do anything, in a world that that can be very ageist.
What was the last book you read for fun?
The Trouble with Sheep and Goats by Joanna Cannon. It’s a really funny story about two young girls trying to solve the disappearance of someone in their neighbourhood. I read every night before I go to sleep as I find it switches my mind off.
Tanya, thanks for sharing some words of wisdom with us. Many of these ideas resonate and I for one am grateful to be reminded that beating ourselves up is a fruitless exercise. Instead of practicing penance, I'll be feeling it, filing it, and flipping well getting on with it! Love to you xox